In this blog article, I explore the concept of ambivalence as an indication of the initiation of the change process and how to harness the tensions arising from ambivalent feelings for personal growth and achievement of goals.
When individuals contemplate change, they often encounter ambivalence - the simultaneous desire for and resistance to change. These conflicting emotions are normal and do not necessarily signify an innate reluctance to embrace change. Rather than avoiding these discomforting feelings, we can learn how to navigate and leverage them.
Understanding the Role of the Brain in Change
It is important to recognize that our brain's primary function is to ensure our survival. As a result, it associates familiarity with safety, regardless of the quality of one's current situation. This tendency leads to a negativity bias when confronting change. When creating a pros and cons list, it is common for the list of disadvantages to come to mind first or be the longest. However, it is crucial to avoid concluding that a longer list of cons signifies the need to maintain the status quo.
Additionally, it is essential to acknowledge that our brains are prone to making predictions even though studies show we aren’t very accurate. Therefore, when envisioning potential future scenarios post-change, it is important not to unquestionably believe every thought or image that comes to mind. We also tend to catastrophize possible outcomes, but that’s for another blog.
Guiding Tips for Addressing Ambivalence
Listen: Recognize that ambivalent feelings are natural and denote a contemplative phase. Take time to listen to the underlying emotions and thoughts behind the ambivalence. Understanding what is driving the change idea in the first place is crucial in making informed decisions. You may discover new opportunities that better meet your needs as well as identifying the motivation behind the change.
Seek Clarity: Gain insight into the root causes of ambivalence by identifying its source. For instance, you’re contemplating a new job opportunity requiring relocation. After reflection, you realize that the ambivalence stems from uncertainties about the impact of relocation, rather than doubts about excelling in the new role. This realization may produce helpful action steps like exploring similar opportunities that don’t require relocation.
Make Two Lists: When evaluating a potential change, it is important to outline the pros and cons of the change itself AND to create a separate pros and cons list for maintaining the current situation. This approach can unearth crucial insights supporting the rationale for change.
Remember, you’re in charge of change. No one can make another person change. This fact is especially true when contemplating changes in behavior like consuming less alcohol or exercising more. Support is available. Seek it out.
Ambivalent feelings serve as a signal that change is being contemplated. Embrace these feelings as part of the discernment process, allowing space for personal growth to unfold.
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