In my soon-to-be-released book, Our Brains Mean Well: Ten Lies We Tell Ourselves and How to Hear the Truth, I dive into the inner workings of our minds based on the latest findings in neuroscience. I unravel how these workings often lead to self-imposed limitations and offer practical ways to break free from these mental barriers to reach our aspirations.
Today, let's chat about Lie Number 1: Safety is found in the Familiar.

When faced with change, our brain switches into prediction mode, weighing various outcomes if we decide to embrace the unknown. It starts calculating the effort required to explore new paths and, due to its inherent negative bias, begins painting worst-case scenarios and pitfalls this change could bring.
As our brain’s prime directive is our survival, any alteration is perceived as a threat, even if it holds the promise of personal growth.
Think about this: you're feeling unsatisfied in your current job and wondering if there are better opportunities out there. As you contemplate different possibilities, you stumble upon an intriguing opportunity. While some scenarios paint a picture of better pay, engaging work, or a profound sense of fulfillment, inevitably, negative outcomes creep in. Can you manage the new role effectively? Will the company culture align with your values? Even mundane concerns arise like do they offer coffee as good as your current workplace?
You oscillate, grappling with the potential repercussions of change, only to end up rationalizing, “Yes, I’m drained and despondent at work, but hey, I get free coffee!”
Essentially, our brain convinces us that the familiar is secure. The known feels better than the unknown because even a single negative outcome can overshadow a myriad of positive possibilities and dampen our resolve to seek change.
This brings us to the Worry Loop.
The Worry Loop:
1. Trigger/Stressor
(Feel Bad)
3. Reward (Freeze) 2. Behavior (Worry)
Worrying gives us the illusion we are acting in response to the trigger but it leaves us frozen in place still confronting the trigger. The cycle perpetuates itself as we cling to the misguided belief that worrying somehow resolves our discomfort.
Now, let’s break free.
In Judson Brewer’s insightful book, "Unwinding Anxiety," he advocates for a shift towards curiosity as a pathway out of the Worry Loop. Curiosity outshines worry every time.
Identify the trigger: Pinpoint the root cause of your anxiety or worry with precision.
Evaluate the reward: How satisfying is your worry response? Delve deep into your emotions and physical sensations.
What are you feeling?
How does it feel?
Where do you feel it in your body?
The aim here is to transform the reward associated with worrying from something positive to something repulsive, prompting a shift in behavior.
Explore better avenues: Ask yourself, “What’s a more rewarding option?” What steps can you take to generate positive emotions rather than succumb to worry?
This practice hones your ability to discern when to trust your thoughts and when to challenge them. Remember, while safety can indeed be found in the familiar, curiosity serves as your compass in distinguishing when to heed your brain's advice and when to take action.
If you’re experiencing the Worry Loop and want to break free, schedule a conversation with me and together let’s get you moving toward your goals. There is a big world out there full of opportunities!
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