As a coach, I enter each session seeing my clients as whole, complete people not needing fixed. My clients are persons capable of overcoming challenges and achieving their dreams. I’m not trying to fix anyone because there isn’t any fixing needed.
Instead, I help clients shift their perspectives and attitudes to see opportunities and possibilities that otherwise might be overlooked. With this approach, the client takes ownership of outcomes as they seek to maximize their potential.
In other words, You Are Enough!
How do you feel hearing this message? Does it surprise you? Have you heard it before? Or are you thinking, “Tom is talking about someone else, not me. I can list all the ways I don’t measure up.”
I believe this sense of not measuring up comes from the ready access of information. We read charts comparing average retirement savings at various ages or college entrance exam scores. We see beautiful and happy people on Tik Tok and YouTube, Instagram and Facebook living large on yachts and beaches. Friends drive newer cars and live in nicer apartments or condos. We begin filtering our life and our accomplishments through someone else’s lens and conclude we are falling behind. That we aren’t enough.
How’d we get here? Is it possible that we are hard wired to compare ourselves with others? I wonder. Did our earliest ancestors observe one another, copying those most successful at obtaining food, water, and shelter? Those who compared themselves to the most successful and adapted had higher chances of surviving and reproducing. Over many generations, this thought pattern became hard wired within our brains. Those who observed and copied survived.
Fast forward to the 21st Century. Many of us aren’t struggling for food and water in the North American context in which I live. I know there are far too many places where food scarcity and adequate potable water are life threatening (in the U.S. as well as other countries) – that’s for another blog.
My point is, if we have basic needs met then it’s time to update our brain’s perception that we aren’t enough or that we are falling behind every time we read about a nineteen-year-old college athlete signing a multimillion-dollar NIL deal.
You Are Enough!
I’ll offer two quick suggestions to begin retraining our brains.
First, when we compare ourselves with others and find ourselves lacking practice gratitude. Stop the negative self-talk saying how you should, could do better. Reflect on the things you have or your accomplishments (and YES, you have accomplishments). Say out loud, “I’m really thankful for - ” You may need to list a couple things. Consider the three categories of people, places, and things. Who are you thankful for having in your life? Where have you been that you are glad for the experience? What accomplishments or possessions are your thankful for receiving? Also, practice generosity. Be happy for them! Celebrate their achievements.
Second, when we compare ourselves with others and find ourselves doing better practice generosity. Stop the negative self-talk saying that the other person needs to work harder like you did or judge them for being inadequate. Remember, they are enough, too! Instead, consider how you might help either the individual or the larger cause within which the fall (hunger, housing, education, employment, healthcare accessibility). Then do something: volunteer, donate, advocate. Be generous with your time, compliments and money. You can also practice gratitude! Be thankful. Celebrate your achievements!
Gratitude and generosity will help shift your thinking until one day, when you hear, “You are enough!” you’ll believe it. Until then, I’ll believe it for you – you are enough!
Keep thriving.
Tom